From: Astrid
by BlueBubblegumBubble
Summary: A series of texts showing how Astrid deals with the loss of Hiccup during the year after his untimely death. Hiccstrid.


**A/N: this story is inspired by a story written by manicmethod and I would encourage you to check her out.**

 **Stuff you might need to know:**

 **It's in message format, it's quite angsty, modern au, character death, there's a few swear words and two small mentions of suicide, so if you're very easily triggered this might not be for you.**

From: Astrid

(3-24-16 4:16PM)

Hey Hiccup did you remember to get the milk like I asked?

From: Astrid

(3-24-16 4:17PM)

Oh, can you also get me a coffee? You know a normal mocha. Thanks :)

From: Hiccup

(3-24-16 4:20PM)

Will do mi'lady

From: Astrid

(3-24-16 4:20PM)

You're the best

From: Hiccup

(3-24-16 4:21PM)

I know. ;)

From: Astrid

(3-24-16 4:21PM)

Oh shut up

From: Hiccup

(3-24-16 4:32PM)

I'm at the store, do you need anything else?

From: Astrid

(3-24-16 4:33PM)

Um... nah I'm good

From: Hiccup

(3-24-16 4:39PM)

I've got everything, see you in 10 minutes! Love you! :)

From: Astrid

(3-24-16 5:03PM)

Hiccup?

From: Astrid

(3-24-16 5:10PM)

Where are you? I'm getting worried.

From: Astrid

(3-24-16 5:22PM)

Are you alright?

From: Astrid

(3-24-16 5:49PM)

It's been over an hour please text me back

From: Astrid

(3-24-16 5:50PM)

This isn't funny Hiccup

From: Astrid

(3-24-16 5:02PM)

Sorry, I've just realised that your phone has probably died I'm probably just getting worried for no reason. I should probably stop spamming you with texts, see you soon.

From: Astrid

(3-24-16 6:09PM)

Oh my god

From: Astrid

(3-24-16 6:09PM)

i just got a call from the hospital i'm on my way please hang on hiccup

From: Astrid

(3-24-16 6:35PM)

I don't know what to do.

From: Astrid

(3-24-16 6:48PM)

They said that you might not make it. I don't know what to do. I'm sitting outside your room in the hospital. Valka and Stoick haven't arrived yet.

From: Astrid

(3-24-16 7:14PM)

I'm so sorry Hiccup, this is all my fault. If I hadn't asked you to go get the stuff from the store then this never would have happened. I'm so _so_ sorry... Hiccup please hang in there I don't know what I would do without you.

From: Astrid

(3-31-16 7:19PM)

They say that the driver that crashed into you was drunk. He only has a broken arm, unlike you, you're still in a coma. They've been operating on you so much over this past week. I think that your skull is broken and some of it damaged your brain and both of your legs have been crushed.

Stoick and Valka are really worried. I've been staying over at theirs for the past week, the house is just so empty and I don't want to be alone. Toothless misses you too. He keeps waiting by the door and meowing, waiting for you to come home.

I don't know what to do. I hate being powerless, I hate waiting.

Please Hiccup, please don't die. I can't imagine a world without you in it. I love you. I love you so much.

From: Astrid

(4-2-16 10:55PM)

Valka, Stoick and I have finished planning your funeral. It's going to be on Tuesday.

From: Astrid

(4-3-16 9AM)

Toothless has stopped eating. I've tried everything, I really have. We both miss you so much.

From: Astrid

(4-4-16 7:12AM)

I cancelled the wedding.

From: Astrid

(4-6-16 3:27AM)

Everyone was there at the funeral. I had to give a speech. I hoped you liked it because I didn't. No words are good enough to describe you. Ha, that sounded really cheesy. You're probably laughing at me from up in heaven. I've guess we all could use a good laugh; we don't do it very much these days.

I didn't cry at the funeral. I know it sounds really bad but sometimes it feels like you're not gone at all. Like you will walk back through the door and hug me like you used to and everything will be ok again.

Some days are better than others. Sometimes all I can do is sit in a corner and cry because everything reminds me of you and I cant breath because it just feels like I'm drowning because I know that I'm never going to see you again.

I have to go back to my job tomorrow. I don't want to go back outside, I don't want it to seem like I am getting over you. When I feel better it makes me feel guilty because you're gone and I shouldn't be happy again.

The drunk guy who killed you turned up at the funeral. It was so scary because I was so angry that I wanted to strangle him. I wanted to do so badly that I'm afraid of myself. I'm such a horrible human being.

From: Astrid

(4-19-16 11:49PM)

Toothless is missing. Ever since you died he hasn't eaten anything. He just sat by the door waiting for you to come back. After a while I think he understood that you never would. Sometimes we would both cry together. Then two days ago he just... left. I think he went to find you.

From: Astrid

(4-21-16 5:35AM)

I found Toothless's body on the way to work. I guess he really did find you.

From: Astrid

(4-28-16 8:33PM)

Ever since you died all the days have been a blur of 'I'm so sorry' and 'he was so young'. I'm so fucking fed up of dealing with this shitstorm all on my own. Why did you have to go and fucking destroy my life by going and bloody dying?

Fuck you.

From: Astrid

(4-29-16 6:30PM)

I'm so sorry, I was really angry last night. It's not your fault.

From: Astrid

(5-8-16 1:16AM)

Recently I've been having some really dark thoughts. That if I left this world I could see you again.

There's some rope in the garage that I keep thinking about.

I should probably see a psychiatrist.

From: Astrid

(5-14-16 1:15PM)

The psychiatrist was really nice. She was called Heather and is around my age. She was really understanding but not too patronizing in the way she did it. We talked mostly about you.

I said that I miss your lopsided smile, your freckles, the way you always smelt like soap, green apples and fresh coffee, your laugh, the way your auburn hair flopped over your eyes, your warmth, everything that made you Hiccup the Horrendous Haddock III.

I miss you so much.

From: Astrid

(5-16-16 1:24PM)

I told Heather that I still texted you. She said that I should keep doing it because it's therapeutic.

From: Astrid

(5-26-16 2:45PM)

I found a puppy!

She was out on the street in a beaten cardboard box which read 'give me a home'. I've decided to call her Stormfly. I think you and Toothless would have liked her, she's so sweet!

From: Astrid

(6-28-16 6:33PM)

I've decided quit my job to open up a sports shop which has always been my dream. I've been saving up for ages and there's a shop not far from our house which is for sale. I'm still sorting things out with the bank but I should own the shop soon!

Stormfly is still not fully trained yet but we're making progress! She can now sit on command and she doesn't bite her leash anymore when we go for walks. I've also started running again, like I did back in high school.

I feel normal for the first time in months.

I love you so much and I always will.

From: Astrid

(8-19-16 4:51PM)

I was cleaning the house and found one of my old phones, I thought that I'd chucked out ages ago but I guess I was wrong. It had some our old pictures on it like the one we took on our second date, do you remember?

It's the one where you're wearing that green shirt with the dragon on it and we're both holding a raspberry ice cream. It was when we were at that amusement park and were sitting on the bench with the ice creams that I bought. I was happily eating my ice cream when out of nowhere you leaned around and kissed me for the first time. I mean, we'd kissed before but I was always the one doing it.

Do you remember that I was so surprised that I dropped my ice cream? And because you're always such a gentleman you offered me yours instead so we ended up sharing. You looked so happy that I decided to take a photo to commemorate the event. Ever since that day raspberry flavoured ice cream has always been my favourite.

We were so happy back then. God Hiccup I miss you so much.

From: Astrid

(12-25-16 9:04PM)

Christmas feels so empty without you there cracking jokes and singing cheesy Christmas songs out of tune. I'm at your parents house so I wouldn't have to be lonely. I will always love you.

From: Astrid

(1-1-17 6:39PM)

Happy New year Hiccup and happy birthday to me as well. Heather organized a party and the twins even baked a chocolate cake. Stormfly ate most of it though. I'm currently at the vets.

From: Astrid

(2-28-17 2:47PM)

Happy birthday! You're 23 today... well technically you're almost 6 since your birthday's on a leap year... and technically this isn't even your birthday because 2017 isn't a leap year. Well, your family is still having a small party to celebrate it, and remember you.

I arrived late because I spent most of the morning crying.

Side note: Stormfly makes a good pillow.

From: Astrid

(3-30-17 8:05AM)

God. It's almost been year since you died and I honestly don't know how I survived that long. Tomorrow your phone will have been disconnected and I will never be able to text you again.

I don't know how to deal with that.

From: Astrid

(3-30-17 11:42PM)

Dear Hiccup,

Ever since you literally fell into my life you have been nothing but perfect. You were always there to lend a hand, a shoulder to cry on, a person to love and be loved a by. My one regret is that I didn't tell you how much I need you, how much you mean to me before it was too late. I can only hope that there is some sort of life after death and that one day I will join you there when the time is right. But for now I am going to make the most of the life I was given, just like you would have wanted me to. No more holding myself back because I'm stuck in the past, in you. It's time that I let the sorrow attached to my memories go and remember the happiness instead.

Because, Hiccup the Horrendous Haddock III you are the best thing that has ever happened to me and you deserve to be remembered as such.

I will love you forever and always,

Astrid.


End file.
